From this point on I know...
...exactly what will happen every minute.
Right now she's cooking...
...the same noodles again.
And watching the same stupid soap operas.
I've never experienced the "seven-- year itch".
But my point here is...
Wash your hands and eat your supper.
Hurry up and eat, before it gets cold.
Let's get divorced.
What did you say?
I said let's get divorced.
Why?
No particular reason.
- You've found someone else? - No.
I haven't been a good wife?
No, you're perfectly fine.
Then why?
No reason in particular.
7 years, and we divorce, just like that?
You've got to at least give me a reason.
I have to explain it to my parents,
To my relatives and friends.
What if people ask me about it?
I have to answer the phone
Just make up a reason for me, anything
OK, then let's not divorce.
So you were just kidding?
First we were divorcing, now we're not?
OK, we won't divorce now, alright?
No divorce, OK?
Now you have to explain why not.
I have to explain? Then let's just divorce.
OK. Don't call again.
So tell me why you want a divorce.
OK
You always wear that purple sweater.
Always the purple sweater.
You know I hate purple?
I really hate looking at purple.
The rinsing cup has to be on the second shelf.
In precisely the same place forever.
Toothpaste has to be squeezed from the bottom.
What's wrong if I squeeze...
...from the middle? So what?
You cook noodles and watch soap operas...
...four times a week.
And when you eat noodles...
...do you always have to suck them so they twist like that?
Those are the reasons you want a divorce?
OK, I agree. Let's divorce.
Give it to me.
Your wife threw it pretty hard.
How did you know it was my wife?
It must have been a fight.
No -- at least, I didn't mean to fight.
And then you got divorced?
None of your business. Can you fix it?
What're you thinking?
I'm thinking you're not in your right mind.
You want to have an affair.
Who are you?
Here's a new one for you...
It can help you find the girl you want.
Why makes you think I'll accept it?
Because you'll have an affair each time you push a button.
How can I believe you?
You first, you first.
To Garden Street, please
Sir...
I know.
Thanks.
My name is Luo Yanyan.
I'm Xu... Xu Lang.
Come on in.
No, no need, really.
Come in to clean up and change your clothes.
Aren't you afraid I'm a bad guy?
No. The guards saw you when you came in,
And there's a camera over there. Here you are.
The lamp's broken again?
Hi
Say something
Is this for real?
Yes
A cellphone, an affair, Luo Yanyan.
This is an affair cellphone
I've given you ten chances
Each time you push a button...
...you'll meet a different type of girl you'll like.
Ten chances
Then what about that Luo Yanyan?
It's over between us
It's on you
Coming
- What're you doing? - Fixing your lamp
Forget it. Last time...
You're so nice
Come in
There's soup too. It'll be ready in a sec
- Anything I can help with? - No
Help me take off the apron.
Come eat.
- What's up? - Nothing
I'm hanging up the scarf... no, the apron.
Are you OK?
It's nothing. I'm fine
I bumped it just now. Oh, no, before I came here
The soup's ready. I'll serve it.
I'll help you...
It's OK. Give it to me.
Give it to me. Let me do it.
No, really, you've been working all evening.
I'll... I'll help you wipe it.
No, no
Is it hot?
No
It's fine. I'll just go rinse it off, no problem
- Who is it? - It's me
Coming
What's up?
- Are you really OK? - Yes, fine
- Take a bath - Thanks
I'm finished
What are you doing?
Luo family? Is Luo Yanyan's husband here?
You're Luo Yanyan's husband?
Yes
I just want to let you know: your baby is OK
Baby?
You didn't know?
She... hasn't told me yet
What's the relationship between you?
No, it's not what you think
You don't need to explain it to me
The baby...
Sorry, sorry
No, I'm sorry
I didn't know
No
I wanted to find the baby a father.
Actually, under normal circumstances...
...I would have thought you're a really great guy
Bye
Look at this mess, what have you done?
What did you expect me to do?
The cellphone can only help you meet them.
So what should I do now?
You have two choices...
If you want to accept it, go back
If not, then get out.
I don't want it. You can have it back.
You only pushed one button
I have a bad headache
There are nine you haven't pushed
I'll take a nap first.
She hasn't shown up, but there's a strong wind
Don't bring me a demoness
Others will notice you only when you're serious
Give me a hug. Give me a hug
Hug me tightly. What are you doing?
Sorry. I...
Hug me. Your hands
Don't move
Sorry, I...
Hug me, hug me. Don't move
- OK? - What's OK?
Are you ready?
No, not yet
- Let's make our move - What move?
You haven't told me what move
The target appears
Let me off. Let me off
Let me off
Handcuff him
She's a policewoman
Chen, turn right after you enter
OK, thanks
I'll check their data and let you know ASAP
Xiaoyu
Roger What's up?
- The target hasn't appeared yet. - Roger.
- The target hasn't appeared yet. - Roger
- OK - That's that
- Xiaoyu's gotten off work already - OK, goodbye.
Sorry Sir, can you take that table?
Why?
A foreign couple just asked for this one
So what? I booked it first
Don't. Go get us the menu
I am sorry. Please have a seat
Thanks
It doesn't really matter where we sit
But it's a matter of principle
Do you beat criminals when you interrogate them?
Of course not. We're disciplined
Would you use the same methods...
...on your boyfriends as you use on criminals?
It depends on the situation
What if he kept a secret stash of money...
I wouldn't allow it
I meant suppose he had
There is no "supposing"
Well what if he had an affair...
Sure, if he wanted to die
Eat. Why are you looking at me?
Do you usually carry your gun?
Not unless I'm on a job
So you didn't bring your gun?
Is it a "job" to have a meal with you?
Well, do you carry handcuffs?
Yes
I have them with me now
What's wrong?
Let me have a look
Why are you so curious?
I've never seen them. Let me have a look
Give them back when you're done playing with them
I've been handcuffed
Take them off
Do you have the key?
Ah
Nonsense
When you handcuff a criminal...
...Is it one on your hand and the other on his?
You've seen too many movies
Unlock it
Hey... uncuff me!
Haven't you always wanted to try handcuffs?
Keep them on for awhile
OK, I'll eat with them on. Cheers
Put it down. Don't make such a show
Don't move
OK
Wait a minute
You handcuff yourself, too
You're out of your mind
- Check it out - OK, I'll try it
You're really crazy
Excuse me. Can I help you?
I'm fine. Something wrong with my socks
I'm fine. You can leave
Leave now. Thanks
In fact it's sort of fun to be handcuffed
At least I can stay close to you
My teacher Miss Guo was right
I'm almost up there with Superman
Only difference is I wear my underpants on the inside
I need to answer this call. Hello?
What? "Fleet-- foot" is gone?
Hurry! Out of our way!
Sir. You didn't pay the bill!
Stop. Stand still!
Send it to the designated place
The Patriot's a missile, not an MP3 player, get it?
Stop! Police!
- Don't run - Hurry up
Be gentle. Please. I've got very little money
Don't move
I didn't have time to change my underpants to the outside
Don't move. How dare you run?
- What's up? -Have a picture taken
Don't be mischievous
Make a gesture
Don't be mischievous
Hands up
You really must have connections. You got out so fast!
What?
It's not what you think
No need to explain
You know, I really liked you
And then?
But you weren't honest with me
You're a divorcee, right?
There's certain things I can know without being told
I didn't mean to trick you or hide anything
We just haven't really talked much
But you are divorced
And you never told me
So what? Divorce isn't a crime
And many people who get "released" turn over a new leaf
I really do like you
I really like you. Isn't that enough?
I have my principles
I'll never be involved with a divorced man
But why? Many people get divorced
Can't you just choose to ignore it?
No, I can't
But you just said you really like me
I really just can't accept it
What's wrong with divorce?
It was just that we couldn't keep living that way
We didn't want to "just make do"
We wanted to move on, have a brighter future
You haven't pushed three
I was just looking for you
I really liked Chen Xiaoyu
I know
Can't you help me find a solution?
You still have 8 chances. Don't waste them
No, no! Just find me a girl like Chen
But you can only date one of each type
The next button you push can't possibly be a Chen Xiaoyu
OK, then another type
What type do you want this time?
A "high" girl
Look at your face
Try making yourself a little more appealing
And then go find your "high" girl
Hello. Welcome. What can I do for you?
I can help you find what you need
I'll just have a look
So expensive!
Forget it, Sir
Don't take her up on it
Follow her
Your driver's license
I didn't drink anything
Your driver's license
You must have been drinking, Miss
She offended me. Co-- operate here
I said I didn't have a drink
Uncle, how could I have had a drink?
How could I have had a drink?
I don't even use rubbing alcohol when I get shots
- Take the test - OK, OK
Hello
My God, Uncle you put on too much cream
Hello. What's up?
Nothing. I went for fun
Dalian
What about your prostate?
Aiya! You really need to slow down
OK, I'll hang up now. Bye
Your boyfriend?
My dad
He wants you to go home early?
He told me to eat less spicy food
Mr. what's-- your-- name, eat
Let me introduce myself
My family name is Xu, and first name...
Waiter, bill
My darling, my darling
Darling
Watch me, Darling, Watch me
I'm watching you.
That one, watch me, yeah that one
Yes, that's it, that's it
Miss, your watch is really beautiful
Thanks
I said your watch is really beautiful
And I said... thanks
Can you sell it to me for double what you paid?
Yes, that's it
Thanks, my Darling. It won't do
Darling, Darling
Would you please... please stop calling me that?
Why, are you afraid?
No, but right out in public...
Are you planning to toy with my feelings?
No, no, of course not
So then, you're my darling, Darling
Hey, you're a good dancer, Darling
I haven't danced for a long time
I'll escort you home
Let's go to your place
Isn't that... a bit soon?
It's too early
- Why are you laughing? - I'm chatting on "Feixin"
You're chatting with a cellphone?
Pumpkin
She asked me who I'm with now. Guess how I answered
What did you say?
Read it yourself
I'm with an old baby
It's true I'm a little older than you, but
I won't be cold or reject you
Because her husband is two months...
...older than her father
Your cellphone
I won't answer
- Who would it be now? - My mom for sure
Why don't you answer? She'll get worried
If I answer, she'll worry more
Yes, yes, YES
It doesn't matter. My phone plays music when it's ringing
We're sorry, the subscriber you've dialed is "power off"
Help me download one too
We've got no beer, Darling. Go buy a few cans
I'll help you download a few good ones
OK
- Two beers - OK
Are you looking for your kid, too?
Your daughter or son?
My daughter
She could have been raped by now
Fang Xu. Fang Xu
- Am I as old as she thought? - Yes
Let's go back. I'm sleepy
You said you would keep me company
You're too tired to do any more?
No, of course not, I'm fine
What's wrong with her?
Just ignore her. An ugly woman
Who did you mean?
You. I mean you
Say it again!
I mean you, you
What are you doing? Where are your manners?
I'll fight it out with you
Thank you for helping me
Thank you. I've always wanted a chance to fight
It was my very first fight in an Internet Bar
I've never even had a shouting match with anyone
- It's all my fault - But I didn't say it
It was strange today
Forget it. I'll escort you home
But you agreed I could go to your place
I... I live at a friend's place
- Are you refusing me? - No, no
Then why?
We've been together all night but still haven't
had a chance to talk about ourselves
There's some things you need to know about me
My name is Xu Lang, and I am divorced
How many girls have you dated since your divorce?
This kind of date...? it's a first for me
Wow, I'm a sofa
Let's get married. We'll go register in the morning
What?
What does that expression mean?
Zidane, Zidane
Come on, come on. Shout!
He can't hear you when you yell from here
Hurry, hurry. Hope's still alive!
Shoot! Aiya!
Staying with you means...
...I'll be risking losing my life at any moment
I like you, so I want to protect you
You protect me? Why do you like me?
I like that you're so serious
And also so timid
You're a lot like my dad
So I want to marry you
Are you serious?
Of course
What are you doing?
Have you ever... ever
With other guys, did you ever
...ever make love?
No, this just now was my first time
No, it was not
Come on, come on, hurry
What's up?
Look, look
Oh. Who won?
Is his head-- butting so serious?
Who butted who?
You butt me too, butt me
You're also bald! Like Zidane
I...
Come on, butt me
No, I won't
Don't leave. Alright, I'll butt you
Butt, butt, you butt
And then I'll escort you home
Stand steady. Don't move
I'm ready
A healthy body is the asset base for love You should be more careful...
What are you doing here?
No way that phone you gave me is from China Mobile
It's from this hospital, isn't it?
I haven't paid any mobile phone fees
Just hospital bills! I've been here 3 times already!
Take it easy. I've given them kickbacks for you
Why are you dating an old man?
Because he's very lovely
You know, I really like torturing him
I love watching him fly into a frustrated rage
Do you often bully him?
You should really do an interview with him
His name is Xu Lang, and his phone number...
OK, we'll do a program on him
Oh, it's 1350885...
Long Xiaoxia
Can you two be interviewed together?
Take her away, now
Why are you here again?
How were you wounded this time?
I was head-- butted
Where?
My chest
Why?
I made an improper remark
Zidane butted you
Something like that
So what was it you said?
Ouch, right, right
It's... OK here
Nothing's wrong with your chest
But you should go have your head examined
Listen, Doctor, this time...
You don't have to explain
On a park bench, 3 p.m., a bag of dried fish in hand
You must be Xu Lang
But...
Oh, yes, that's my daughter Xin's photo
I'm her mother
Let's begin
There's no need to be nervous, Mr. Xu
When my daughter here auditioned for "Super MM..."
...it was much more intimidating than this
What type of work do you do, Xu?
I'm with a communications equipment company
You're not the boss, right?
I'm a department manager
What's your monthly income?
Or yearly salary
Love is a very sacred thing
We should be open, frank and forthcoming
My yearly salary is about 80 thousand
Oh, that's pretty good. Close to No. 16
Do you own an apartment?
Yes
How big is it?
130 square meters
You've got a mortgage?
Yes
Do you have a car?
Yes
What kind?
Santana
Sorry, I have one thing to be "forthcoming" about
I'm a divorcee
That doesn't matter
We're not old-- fashioned
To tell you the truth...
...I'm also divorced from Xin's father
The key is whether you have a kid
No, I don't
No kids?
Why didn't you have a kid? Some physical problem?
Can you still have kids?
Yes, I can
OK, time to grade
Delete the highest and lowest scores
Go back and wait for our decision
We'll give you an answer...
...in a week
Hold on a moment
Do you believe in fate?
Yes
Do you believe in miracles?
I didn't used to, but now I do
Are you fettered by common views and prejudices?
No, I'm not
Are you fond of chatting, playing Mahjong...
...traveling and taking part in group activities?
Yes
Ballroom dancing?
I can rumba, does that count?
I think you're quite suitable
Mom, mom
Calm down. Calm down
I think you two would be perfect together
How can I do this?
Can't you just find me a normal girl?
One who isn't pregnant, and doesn't handcuff or headbutt?
I want one who can be my lifetime companion
Xu Lang, it's me! Mom
Mom, what are you doing here?
I'm here to see you
Where've you been these past few days?
Let's go
Where to and to do what?
To have a blind date
This is my son, Xu Lang
Pan Wenlin
- Xu Lang. Hello - Hello
Your mother has told me all about you
What can I say...
...being divorced isn't grounds for congratulations...
...but it's not a disgrace either
In fact in certain ways...
...it's an advantage
Oh
A man who's divorced has experience...
...no training's needed; he can jump right in
That's right, of course
So my son qualifies automatically, right?
So you know all about me as well?
Yes, I do
I've told him everything
OK, so we don't have to beat around the bush
Let's get right to business
Business?
Yes. Come with me tomorrow to look at apartments
Buy an apartment
This is the layout we recommend
How do you like it?
I think it's... not bad
Xu Lang. We're buying an apartment for ourselves
We're not talking about an office for your company
You can say "yes" or "no", but not "not bad"
What I mean is, it looks good. But it's up to you
At first glance it appears quite spacious
Like the broad-- mindedness you men pride yourselves on
But the scale of the furniture...
...is actually smaller than the real stuff
When you buy a real sofa...
...you'll find there's not enough room for it
These standing lamps are always just for decoration
Have you ever met a man who's the same...
...before and after he gets married,
buying tons of stuff for his wife?
Yes, oh, no
This model has the highest level of decor
The standard of the kitchen and restroom decor...
...is stipulated in the contract
You can rest assured on this point
Not bad
Every brand has products of hugely different prices points
Property developers always use...
...the cheapest products from each famous brand
Just like the beautiful promises you men make
They sound great, but when it comes to keeping them...
We include a free set of furniture with each apartment
Look how well the furniture complements the layout
Notice how they've positioned the furniture
When you actually use it...
...you never arrange it that way
But when you move the furniture...
...you'll find that all the wiring is in the wrong places
And that you can't put anything where it should be
Just like you men
You dress neatly in public
But once you're home you throw your socks all over
Choosing an apartment is really like choosing a husband
I'll show you around the complex
We hired a foreign landscape architect
to design our garden
Our design has won some international awards
All the trees have been transplanted
It's like sudden waves of passion
They seem great
But they'll die in a month
I told you there was a gas station on the east side
Many cars will come there to refuel at night
Guaranteed sleep loss!
Have you made your decision?
It's hard to tell what goes on in a person's mind
Before buying we'd need to come again at least twice
We'd come once at night to check out...
...the lighting, the noise levels
And again on a rainy day to check the waterproofing
Our apartments are selling very well
If you really want to buy one...
you'd better decide quickly
A man who pressures you to get married...
...is either a sex maniac or a fraud
When they start selling the apartments...
...they won't sell any of the good ones
They'll keep them and release them slowly.
The salesgirl just said that...
...to make us anxious
Look, you offended her
She wouldn't have left if she didn't feel guilty.
The townhouses on the east side...
...are exceptionally well-- designed
But they're a little more expensive...
Look, you can see the valley on both sides...
...just like two rivers.
The lawn in the middle is like a lake,
The golf course is like the vast sea...
And I am the lake that the rivers run into.
Ultimately, I will flow out to that sea.
What a big apartment, with views on both sides...
Who's that?
Hello, Jianxiang!
My name's Pan Wenlin.
Hello. Have we met before?
We haven't met, but I know you.
Glad to meet you, it's great you're here.
Tell me something about these apartments.
I just came in...
I haven't read the materials, so I don't know much.
You're also here to see the apartments?
Yes
We can wait together. He'll bring the materials
Fine with me.
Which circles are you active in now?
Entertainment? Or sports?
I don't know, I sort of cross from one to the other.
Now you wouldn't be crossing over to...
I'm just preparing to have a go at real estate.
Really?
You know, up until the 2008 Olympic Games...
...the price of buildings in Beijing will keep rising.
Then you mean...
...if we've got money, we should invest in real estate now
Yes, it should be a good investment opportunity
I knew I was right!
Right. Time out
I think you should look for someone who's also in real estate.
I'm leaving...
Your friend?
The one who was with you just now
We came to see the apartments.
Oh. He's quite polite.
Go say hello.
Next
I believe in first impressions.
Everybody, please stand up.
I would like to announce a new staff appointment,
Let's welcome our new Administration Director, Xu Lang.
From this day on...
...Mr. Xu will be in charge of Administration.
Let's invite Xu Lang to say a few words.
Let's thank Xu Lang for his speech.
As for Mr. Ma Jia...
...he'll find other arrangements.
Sit down, please, everybody.
For this tiny bit of money
It isn't worth my effort coming this far.
Come in. I'll speak with you later.
Ms. Liang, you wanted to see me?
Do you have a cellphone?
Yes
Give it to me.
OK
This is for you.
No need, I can use the old one.
It's our company policy.
All new employees get a new cellphone.
This is the latest model
The different models represent different employment status
- Yours is new. - Thanks.
Oh, by the way
There's only one phone number stored in it...
It's mine.
You must keep it on at all times.
So that I can find you at any time.
Is there anything else?
Sorry, but
Can I have my original SIM card back?
- Sure - Thanks
This is the conference room. We'll have our meetings here.
What's wrong, don't you like it?
No, I personally prefer green.
That's simple; I'll ask them to change it.
Oh, now it's too green.
I'm back, it only took me 10 days...
OK, call me. Let's eat together tomorrow
Is Iceland a nice place?
Nothing special. We soaked in the hot springs every day
We taught some Icelanders how to play Mahjong
I've always wanted to visit Africa...
That's easy, I'll take you there.
I've got a friend who's familiar with Africa,
Even his toilet seat is made of ivory.
Really?
Ivory Mahjong sets must be cheap there!
I haven't been there yet.
How can Africans play Mahjong?
Can we talk about it tomorrow? I'm eating now.
I've already said we'll talk tomorrow.
It's only a matter of twenty or thirty million.
Let's turn off our cellphones and enjoy the meal.
OK, let's turn them off
Forget it, I won't answer it
- Oh, it's Madame Chen - Answer the call!
Where are you, Gorgeous?
Gorgeous? What are you up to?
I'm eating. Long time no see...
Eating? With who?
What are you trying to do, investigate me?
I can see you...
You can see me?
You're also at the Hefeng Japanese restaurant!
Yes, I'm here.
I've tried to invite you out so many times...
Come on, we've finally made it. Take a seat
Come in, please have a seat.
Please allow me to introduce Xu Lang
The youngest and prettiest CEO
Her company was just listed
Hello, Madame Chen
Hello, nice to meet you
This company listing stuff; it's exhausting.
Who introduced you? Not bad
It's OK.
Get some more menus and place settings
I'm really exhausted. Down and out exhausted.
I'm going to take a call. Don't leave
It wasn't easy to finally meet up with you...
Hello, who's speaking?
Wei, I'm sorry I'm not available today.
I'm having a meal with Madame Chen
I'm eating in the main room. What?
What's the matter?
That's not really convenient
I have to ask them
Oh, in that case... Wait.
I told you earlier that Mr. Wei wanted to meet you...
He's right across from us.
He wants to meet you. Is now a good time?
- OK, ask him to come in - I'll call him
He really just wants to have a free meal
Then ask him to come in here
Come on, we're all friends
Hi, come over
Waiter, quickly, clean that table...
Waiter, get me some chopsticks
Hello
Hello, it's me.
This is Luo Yanyan
Hello
Are you busy? The I won't bother you...
I didn't expect that you'd call me
I've received the present you sent me...
It's nothing.
I'm going to have an abortion.
Don't do it. Don't do it!
Are you willing to be the father?
But the baby isn't mine...
It's not my baby
The baby isn't mine
Xu Lang, why are you sitting over there?
It's OK, I'm fine sitting here.
Isn't your husband off playing golf in Hainan?
Yes
Who's that?
Look, look at this one.
Is this Hainan? Is she golf?
Xu Lang, come back
There's no such thing as a risk-- free investment
Impossible. Wait a minute...
Hello, who's speaking?
What are you doing calling again?
I've already told you that...
...we have nothing to talk about.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
It's OK, it's OK.
Why are you here by yourself?
A friend asked me to meet up here.
You thought I was one of the girls working here, didn't you.
No, I didn't think that
I'm alone too. Want to sing together?
You said you've loved someone you shouldn't have loved...
Your heart is broken and scarred.
Got something on your mind?
Come on
You're a nice guy
And you're not the loose type
I'm not a loose guy
But I can loosen up if I want...
Come closer.
Don't move.
Mr. Xu, can you wait a moment?
Why? I've already paid.
Could you come over here with me?
This way, please.
OK, ask Mei to come in here.
OK, I understand.
You've passed.
What's this?
Madame Liang, Madam Liang... Liang
Huijun
Little Junjun
My baby
Xu Lang, Xu Lang
I'm fed up with you.
Have you done an investigation?
How can you just give him the key to our place
So he can just come and go as he pleases?
Get one thing straight: it's my place, not ours.
This is for your own good. What if a bad guy came in?
Thanks for your concern.
It wouldn't be the first time a bad guy came in...
Xu Lang? He didn't show up when he was supposed to...
Xu Lang
Why are you here, anyway?
I've contracted a fatal illness
When are you going to die?
What illness?
The doctor hasn't diagnosed it yet...
But he said it's definitely fatal.
It can't be cured I've only got a month left at most...
Listen to me.
When he told me the news...
...you were the first person I thought of. Really
All at once, I thought of all that happened in the past
I felt sad. Look...
I wrote a message, but I didn't send it
I've really missed you these past few days.
So I came to see you
What are you doing? Disgusting.
Listen, I really miss you. It's true.
Baby, I really miss you...
What fatal illness do you have?
I already told you, it hadn't been diagnosed
You bad boy, I know that you're...
...always strong and healthy, illness or not.
I really miss you. Really.
Another odd man out
Now she's got something to do again
That one with the sneaky look?
This one won't be as easy to deal with as the last
Hi, Xu Lang?
I'm a bit busy; you can take a seat first.
OK, I'll take a seat.
Quick, apologize.
No need, he's only a dog.
No, you stepped on his toys
You should apologize to him.
If I did, would he understand me?
Of course he would!
Sorry I stepped on your duck...
That's better.
From now on, we can be friends.
- Don't work too hard - I won't
If you're hungry, have some of those snacks first.
OK? I'll be done soon.
You want to eat, too?
This is for people to eat, not dogs.
Why are you slobbering?
Mommy will feed you now... Good boy.
You ignore me once you get something to eat, don't you?
Slow down. Eat slowly
Schubert, good boy
More? Here you go,
Eat. Good...
How does that taste?
It's late. Let's wash up and go to bed
Come on, Schubert
How do you like that Uncle out there?
Do you like him?
Do you like him or not?
Hello, Miao, Dong. Hello
- Long time no see - It's been a while
- How are you? - Good
- You look good -You too
You've brought a new one, eh?
Schubert likes him
- Yes? - Yes
Hello, hello
You said you'd take Schubert to listen to music
To listen to Professor Kong play the piano
The key is to make Schubert like you
He looks good. There's hope
Hi
It's only been a few days, let's wait and see. Looks hopeless
Schubert, come here and see
We got all these things for you
- What do you think? - So many things
You bought so many clothes for Schubert
Schubert will turn into Spiderman wearing this
These are his pajamas
You bought pajamas for him?
These are the newest dog biscuits, they're very good
Schubert
New canned food
Xu, you're so good to Schubert
He really is a lovable dog
He's all I have
We've been together 5 years
Someday I'll tell you how...
...in my most difficult moments...
...he's always been there for me.
I can understand that...
But whatever he can do, I can do too.
No you can't.
Why not? I'm not as good as a dog?
For a dog...
Loyalty is instinctive and natural.
Can you be loyal like that?
Actually, you do have strengths in many areas
I'll learn from Schubert
You're so cute
I'll work hard to become your Strauss
Xu Lang
I...
Could you please not step on Schubert's cookies?
Hold on, young man, until the end of this week
Respectable and sporting behavior, that's the key
These days we're all into the Olympic spirit.
We've got to maintain high standards,
Fair competition; dignity both in victory and loss
Schubert, listen to me
When I speak with your Mom...
...can you stand to the side a little bit?
Really, a dog shouldn't be so nosy
What are you doing?
What are you doing, Schubert?
Schubert
What are you doing?
You're hitting him? Go away!
Oh, Schubert
No, no it's not what you think
I saw everything. How could it be anything different?
No, I was playing with him...
How could you hit him...
...as soon as I turned my back?
You're a hypocrite. You...
Look underneath, to the left
It's that sneaky look I was talking about.
No, this just won't do
You were bitten by a dog
I don't want to explain.
Every time you get hurt, there's a woman involved.
But this time... a dog?
- Listen to me Doctor - No need to explain
Careful. Be careful
You ran into it. Careful, look out.
My name is Gao Fei
What do you think? Good-- looking?
Men are all the same
But she looked at me first
Even so, you shouldn't look at her legs
- Steamed Bass - Why do you get divorced?
Jeweled Sweet Potatoes, I lost interest.
Pineapple and Shrimp in a Nest
What does it take to keep men "interested"?
Bamboo Shoots and East Mountain Lamb
She just couldn't make me like her anymore
House Special Fragrant Pigeon
So it's got nothing to do with the man?
Japanese-- Style Beef Mushroom Rolls
Well, I did my best
Fried Stuffed Buns
So it's all the woman's fault, then
and two Cokes
That's not what I meant
That's enough. Men are all the same.
Be careful
Thanks
Let's take a psychology quiz
OK, fine
You're trapped in a building that's on fire
How do you get out: A) the front door
B) the back door, C) the window
D) jump out the window, E) wait for the firemen
How many can you choose?
From which floor?
It's not clear.
I wouldn't jump. I would wait for the firemen.
Oh
What's the answer?
The answer is that your likelihood of having an affair...
...is 150%
We had a good time today
I'll escort you in
Let's just sit and chat here
It looks like we can't park here
OK, I'll head back then. Thanks for dinner
Or we could find another place to talk.
You want to go to my place?
No. Why would I want to go to your place?
Why would you want to go to my place?
You should know better than me
You men love playing this game.
It's always best to end up at someone's house.
If you can't do that, you'll give up
And then you'll disappear.
Am I right?
No, not at all! I think you're really great.
Do you want to sleep with me?
No, I don't
Then why are you chewing gum?
At the traffic light, I saw you sniff your armpit
Did I?
Do you have body odor?
No...
I don't have body odor. Stop sniffing
Don't you want to sleep with me?
I really don't want to sleep with you
I'd be a bastard if I did.
No, no, I do, I mean, I've thought about it
No, but, I'm not thinking about it right now
You can leave now
Don't call me any more
Take care.
Hello?
Why haven't you been in touch? Sick of me?
No, no
I left on an urgent business trip
Where are you?
Chongqing
Chongqing?
Yes, yes, very urgent stuff
I'll be here at least 10 days
You're not just trying to avoid me?
What? How could you think that?
Well, I've gotta go now
No, wait! I really want to chat with you
Oldest trick in the book. Got anything new?
No, really, it's true
Where in Chongqing are you
I... Let me look
Ah, let me see... the street is...
I think I'm...
Near the city center. Let me look
Liberation Monument
It's... Xiachong Crossing... Near Liberation Monument
What's the weather like there?
Pretty good
I heard it was raining hard there today
Oh, yeah
Yeah, it was raining. But not too hard now
Listen
I used to love watching the rain when I was a kid
Oh... Now it's raining really hard
And there's thunder! Listen
Did you hear it?
And lightning
Just flashed again
Wow. It's really magnificent
The whole city, lit up bright as day
And now the wind's whipping up
It's raining too hard, I'm going in
OK, get back indoors, right away
Oh, can you drop by my parents' house tomorrow?
Pick up some stuff to bring back for me?
It's really urgent
They just called to order me back
I really won't have time to see your parents
I brought this specially for you
The most authentic hot pot stock mix
You know
I've never had a guy give me hot pot stock
Really
What?
Blackout. Happens a lot around here
So... May I kiss you?
Why?
You ought to be pretty pleased with yourself
What? No... I was serious just now
You're always making such solemn pronouncements
I'm... I'm what?
I'll be good to you... Responsible
You men are all so good at sweet talk
But I will be responsible, loyal
Will you swear to that? Yes
You dare swear to it?
If you deceive someone you love
You'll be struck by lightning and die a cruel death
A just punishment. Eternal hell
I... guess I don't dare swear, then
No, I do dare! Why wouldn't I?
Who do you dare swear to?
Who do you want me to swear to?
My mother
Your mother! Where is she?
Here
Look into her eyes
I swear
If I've done anything wrong to your daughter
or cheated her in any way
I'll be struck down... A just punishment
Eternal hell
OK
Why
Why do you say "why"?
Why are you men all alike?
How can we women ever trust you?
- You men? - Didn't I swear a blood oath?
Yes, a blood oath. Why did you cheat me?
I didn't. How did I cheat you?
Look me in the eyes
What?
Look me in the eyes
I'm looking! Looking in your eyes
Looking in your mother's eyes
In your whole family's eyes! I'm not scared
I swear. Swear a blood oath
I, Xu Lang, swear a blood oath
I have never cheated you, Gao Fei
Where did you get the hot pot stock?
At the market here in Beijing
Sorry, sorry, I really forgot
You know, that time when you called me
I suddenly... blurted out "Chongqing"
And then... I had to stick to my story
and it kept going. I... Xu Lang
You really cheated me
I just blurted something out, that's all
Just blurted something out
You think...
It's too painful! Just too painful!
Xu Lang. You've really hurt me
It's so easy for you men to swear oaths
Sorry... sorry
I... I messed up
Forgive me just this once
Give me another chance
Only people who deserve chances get them
Goodbye
Wait
Please give me another chance
Take your first pick
Another guessing game?
You're trapped on an isolated island
There's a boat that can hold one person
A: Take the boat and leave
B: You kill a beautiful woman, take the boat and leave
Because the woman will die there anyway
Or: You leave her to face the elements Or: Let her go
and wait alone to die
Which do you choose?
I choose "A"
You filthy beast
I choose "B"
You're worse than a filthy beast
OK, "C"
Filthier than a filthy beast
OK, then I pick "D"
Worse than a beast: you're rotting trash
You realize, don't you, that you've ruined my life?
So what if I've ruined your life?
It'd be much worse if life destroyed you
But you've made me lose all hope in women
So what if you've lost all hope in women?
It'd be much worse if they lose hope in you
I never asked for much
All I want is a normal, regular woman
Someone to live with calmly and happily
Why do I only meet nutcases?
Did you try to understand them?
To really appreciate them?
Listen
Every woman is a double-- edged sword
Their most lovable trait
Might also be their most frightening
Love means loving the whole package
What are you doing here?
What? You
You're not gonna believe this
I met an angel An angel?
He gave me a magical phone
I made nine calls... Who's here?
Hey, Zhang, come here
We have a guest
Who's he?
My husband. I remarried
This is...
He's my ex
Oh, my senior!
Heard a lot about you! Hi, hi
Have a seat! C'mon
C'mon, have a seat!
I... I have to go
Don't go. No need to be polite
Have dinner with us!
We're having noodles tonight.
Hey, senior. Really, don't stand on ceremony
Make yourself at home OK
Oh, you need to add these in
And this... just do as I do
Put them all in
Now eat up. Right?
Senior, I have to say
The noodles my wife makes
Have got to be some of the best in Beijing
Really classic flavor, try them
Eat. Don't talk so much
Give our guest some pickles
Sorry. Still noodles
No problem
Try them!
Have some more, OK? You too
What do you think? Classic, right? Awesome
Awesome
My wife
My ex, she's really fortunate
She's really happy now. I can see it
What does her happiness have to do with you?
Your happiness is in that phone
Make another call. The phone...
Maybe you're right
In this world
There's no woman who's tailor-- made for you
And the problem's not with them
Maybe it's with me
I'm giving it back
How about if I give you a new one?
I have new ones in stock
Each has 200 buttons
You can keep calling, till you're 82
It's no use
Anyway, you've been great
You've helped me meet
So many beauties in such a short time
They've all been great
Other men must have been jealous of me
But they'll never know the truth
I had a problem when I was a kid
I insisted on doing my homework in pencil
Couldn't use a pen
Because when you write with a pencil
You can always erase your mistakes
Now I get it...
Life isn't written in pencil
You can't just rub stuff out
All those women I met
I wish them the best
Hey, you really can fly!
I'm a floating angel. Sincerity is my mantra
Lun Kun Xu Lang
Hey, what brings you here Hey, how are you?
Sit down, don't block the view
Sorry
Why're you here? Thought you were in Switzerland
I came back 3 months ago
Wow, it's been a long time...
Ten years. At least. Maybe 15?
15 years? At least 15
But
You haven't changed a bit after all this time
Really? No, the hair
Short hair becomes no hair!
You've picked up the hair that I lost
I remember clearly
You used to always wear your hair in pigtails
And you always said I was silly
Yes. You are really silly
No, you're the silly one
You're here alone? Where's your wife?
We split up
I am sorry
Don't be. How about you?
Me? This is it, I am my family
I've only got one mouth to feed
No, really?
Your standards are too high... After all, you're a Ph.D.
- Double Ph.D. - Oh, double!
So your standards are quite high
Actually, I'm not that picky these days
You've missed out on a lot of opportunities then
It's not that. I just haven't found my soul mate
How's your family?
Good. Your Dad?
Dad's fine. Except he can't walk too well these days
He's in a wheelchair. It's tough
Really? Yup
Hey, my Dad was talking about you the other day!
Really? Your Dad remembers me?
Remember how you used to
always whistle in front of our house?
My father always said he'd break your legs
I was scared to death. I was terrified of him then
He says if you were to show up again
He wouldn't try to stop you from whistling
Look
It's beautiful
An angel
Tiny little wings. Can you see?
Over there. Can't see it now...
Really. Really. An angel
That was really an angel